On Dreams and Encouragement...

Every person believes that they are special.

We are reminded over and over again throughout our lives that this is true. Beginning with our parents and grandparents we are told that we can do anything we set our minds to; that we can grow up to be anybody we want.

As we grow, most of us continue to have this reaffirmed to us by teachers, counselors, friends, family and anyone else we meet. Even a complete stranger, when faced with a child looking up at them with their big round eyes, will lend their voice to the masses and tell the child that they are certain to succeed as long as they put their mind to it.

There are, however, some exceptions that deserve to be noted here.

I have known people who grew up in situations that can only be called abusive. In situations like these the child is reminded repeatedly that they are not good enough, will never be good enough and will never succeed. In some more extreme cases, I have even seen people tell their children that they were, not only a mistake, but that the child ruined the life of the parent and that the parent wished the child were never born. (If you ever hear someone say something like this, I expect you to hit them immediately.)

Ain't that some shit.

Now here is where I think that part of the problem begins...

Quite often a person grows up to either emulate their parent(s) or to revile them. In other words, most people either grow to repeat the mistakes that their parents made or to make completely new mistakes by choosing a different course.

I heartily approve of encouraging a child to dream and to reach for the stars. What people need to stop doing is allowing those children to grow up believing that they can achieve anything without educating the child on what they will need to do in order to accomplish their goal.

Too often, it seems, people are growing up and becoming disillusioned with the world around them because they were ill prepared for the challenges of the real world. These are people who were never taught about the work and effort they would have to put forth to succeed. They have gotten to where they are by expecting the world to hand them their dreams simply because they want them to come true!

I think people need to have conversations with their children. By no means should we just shrug off what they say as the fanciful imaginings of youth. If little Sally tells you that she wants to become an Astronaut, find out why. Try to learn what it is that attracts her to the field and, more importantly, what needs to happen for her to get there. Tell Sally about all the hard work she is going to need to do. Most of all, find out what you, as a parent, need to do to help see the dream come true.

When your son, Timmy, approaches you after the school play and tells you he wants to grow up to be an actor the correct answer is not, "Well you did great! You are already the best actor I have ever seen!" nor is "Well, I don't know..." the right thing to say. Instead, try something more honest like, "That's great Tim. You did really well on stage today and I am sure that, with a lot of hard work and the proper training, you could grow up to be brilliant!"

What I mean to say is, don't just tell your kids that they can succeed if they puts their minds to it and, please, don't discourage them. For that matter, if I ever again see a parent laugh maliciously at the dreams of their children, I think that I may just haul off and punch them in the head. (I will then explain to the child that it was what their parent had always wanted and that I was helping to make dreams come true.)

Children need to be appropriately prepared and encouraged. They need to be supported in reaching for their dreams and bolstered by the knowledge of its achievability and how to make the achievement happen.

As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right.
-Jack Canfield-