When I am Old...

This is a video I was aware of long ago and an old friend of mine just reminded me of it's existence. It is fairly short so I invite you to take a quick look now, before reading on.



Gods, how I love that reality. It serves me as a reminder of just how much I am looking forward to living my life as an old man.

It also works wonders, I think, in reminding us all to have some bloody fun in our every day lives. Now, I am not telling you to go out and get a spare steering wheel or anything... But if you happen to have one laying around somewhere, could I maybe borrow it?

Seriously though folks... There isn't a whole lot of point to living our day to day lives if we don't have any joy in them. Go out and find some and remind yourself to enjoy living!

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.
-Swedish Proverb and it's transition to the motto of Callahan's Place from the mind of Spider Robinson-

That's just wrong...

Let me start by introducing the topic of this blog...



There are more things wrong with this video than I can count but let me point out a few things that make my scalp itch.

Why don't I start at the beginning. The yellow-orange/brown combination is bad. No one has ever looked good in this combination of colors. If you aren't forced to wear these colors together by something like school spirt, don't. If they really are your school colors, do what you can to make your parents move. Your school is going to loose and you have a better chance at a scholarship playing for a better team anyway.

Then there is the performance. Let's be honest from the start. Ventriloquists are moderately creepy on their own and their dummies don't help improve things. I don't care who you are, if you disagree with that basic truth, you need to see a counselor. Sooner would be better. At the very least, please get help before you breed. It would be wrong of you to subject a child to something so heinous.

Now let's take a look at the ventriloquists themselves. Oh gods... There isn't a single one who isn't creepy beyond imagining. First, there is open mouth dude. You seem to be trying to smile but, clearly, it is a grimace and not to be mistaken for any kind of sign of pleasure. We can see your clenched jaw and flappy tongue. We can even see the tear forming in the corner of your eye. You know, the one you have been trying to hold back since you were seven?... Just let it go and put the dummy away.

Then there is "guy with the smile". Frankly sir, you need to have your head kept in a bag, with or without a dummy. You are creepy and I can feel my insides roiling and becoming pasty with sickness when I see you. Nothing you can do will be able to fix the problem anymore. Let the dummy go and go become a clown. At least they are acceptably creepy.

Big bushy mustache man... SHAVE! We can see your mouth moving even through that monster you have on your upper lip. I understand that you think it helps mask the fact that you are talking for your doll but you are wrong. You aren't fooling anyone anyway so why try?

Guy in the back row?... You have been doing this way too long. It seems clear to me that the dummy is, possibly, your only friend and that you are very fond of him. You are probably the best in the group in doing what you do but that only makes things more sad. I am sorry for whatever your parents or foster parents may have done to you when you were growing up that caused you to be so horribly broken but I am sure there is a medication that will help.

I haven't got the stomach to go through all of them individually but I think it is fairly obvious that nothing here is right. Seriously. Nothing.

There is one more thing that I have to point out about this video. Sadly, I think that this may be the most disturbing part of all. I have no idea what might be being said in the end but I am pretty sure I caught the name of the network.

NBC.

I know NBC has been going down hill for a while now and, according to some sources, may be dying entirely if they don't do something different. Here is an idea guys... STOP ALLOWING SHIT LIKE THIS TO EXIST ON YOUR NETWORK!!!!!

Sorry to yell like that but seriously, the answer is to find better programming and not to show things that scare away the few viewers you have left. I may be able to help with this. Fire both, the person who canceled "Life" and the person responsible for this atrocity. Within moments, the average intelligence in your offices will improve and then you can start looking for a way to turn things around. If you need more help, contact me. I will happily do what I can for you for a modest salary.

Anyway, sorry to have put you all through that video but I suffered through it and so you had to as well. Have fun!

Facts are ventriloquists dummies. Sitting on a wise man's knee they may be made to utter words of wisdom; elsewhere, they say nothing or talk nonsense, or indulge in sheer diabolism.
-Aldous Huxley-

Truth...

I have nothing much to say this time around. I really think it would do each and every one of us good to read/hear/watch this at least once if not every day.

Please. Please pay attention and actually take this in. Please think about it honestly and deeply. Please show it to your friends and ask them to really consider it as well.

Watch this all the way through. Really. It is important.

The world we live in today is scary. We need to change something to save us from ourselves. Maybe, with this, we can start with ourselves and the change can flow outward.

Without further ado, Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed.



I am not going to to end with a quote this time. I am going to beg you, one more time, to share this.

Thank you.

The World Has Issues... Episode 2

There is a thing that has been brought up a time or two from various directions and today it struck me in a way that is reverberating around the inside of my skull, clamoring to be shared.

I think it is (mostly) self-evident when looking at the world surrounding me that, somewhere along the way, things took a turn. In particular, I am referring to the fact that happiness is thriving as a counter-culture to the one that most of us are living in.

It pains me that I have to stop and think to realize that, when I gaze around myself at the people inhabiting my world, most of those closest to me are struggling to keep depression and abject misery at bay. In fact, this truth has become so commonplace that it is just accepted as the way things are! I know almost no one who spends their time helping others actually achieve moments of happiness and joy. It seems that, as a rule, we are just too busy trying to keep each other from plummeting into the pits of despair.

Off the top of my head I can give you almost a hundred simple, daily illustrations of this truth but, frankly, I think it is so utterly appalling that I need to come at it all from a different angle.

Hence the illustration I am going to attempt to give as to how happiness has become a sub-culture that is thriving as it strives to run parallel to, and occasionally intersect with, the culture that most of us struggle through our day to day lives living in. (Yes, I know that two things cannot be parallel and yet intercept... We are using words here, not math. Alright?!)

Allow me to begin by sharing a video I was introduced to quite some time ago. It is a video documentary of something that should never have been extraordinary. Yet, because of the way we live our lives, it was not only extraordinary but also tragic, triumphant and, more than a little bit hopeful.



See what I mean? It is horrifying that we live in a world where this was so shocking as to necessitate being banned. Even more terrifying, however, is the fact that... in this day and age, so very very many people can be touched in so profound a way just by the simple act of sharing a hug with a stranger.

Another worrisome and bothersome truth is the simple fact that I find myself envious of those who seem to be in a place that they enjoy. (I know for a fact that I am not alone in this but it is up to everyone else as to whether they care to own up to that truth.) I am not saying that I am unhappy where I am.... Just... Well... You will see what I mean.


I will share two videos to show what I mean by this and then I am going to go find a way to have some fun for myself for just a few minutes. See you after the videos!





Alright, I'm back. Now where the hell are my people and why are we not having that kind of fun together just for the sake of doing so!??!

Why should it be the case that others get to have so much fun when the world doesn't see fit to furnish me with the time or opportunity to have as much fun myself. By no means do I think that those who are enjoying life should stop. To the contrary, I rather think that perhaps the rest of us should take a long hard look at what we are doing and find a way to incorporate more joy and wonder in our own lives.

It occurs to me rather belatedly that many people who know me in the world I currently inhabit are going to find all of this rather hard to accept as having come from my mind. On first impression I, apparently, come off as a dour, mean and miserable person. To those who believe that to be true, I can only say that I am sorry that you do not know who and what I really am. Everything that has been included here are sentiments that I feel from the very bottom of my heart and, more importantly, are truths that I believe in to the very core of my being.

Orson Welles, a tremendous (and sadly deceased) author gave his final interview only a couple hours before his death. At its core, this interview sums up beautifully what I have been trying to explain to everyone for years. Please, watch this last video and pay close attention to, not only the words this wonderful man says, but also to the true feeling and truth behind them.



*Merv: Are certain parts of your life really joyous?
*Orson: Oh yes! There are certain parts of almost every day that are joyous. I am not essentially a happy person but I have all kinds of joy. And there's a difference you know. Because joy is a great big, electrical experience. Just happiness is what a... oh I don't know, a warthog could be happy...
-Orson Welles on the Merv Griffin Show only hours before his death-

Beauty on the Intrawubs...

I am fairly certain that it is pretty much common knowledge that anything and everything exists and can be found on the internet. (There is also a pretty damned good chance that there is porn of it here as well.)

That being said, I spend altogether more time here than I probably should. (And almost certainly more than is good for me.) Sadly, this means I don't get out and about as often as I should. On the bright side, it means I find some truly outstanding things.

I mentioned a while ago how I am actively trying to see more of the beauty around me. When I said that, I wasn't referring exclusively to the real world. There is beauty of all kinds everywhere and, when I find it here, I can share it with everyone else.

That being said and without further ado...

I present to you, Art, Media and Beauty!



Enjoy!

Art is contemplation. It is the pleasure of the mind which searches into nature and which there divines the spirit of which nature herself is animated.
-Auguste Rodin-

More thoughts on movies...

So it was brought to my attention yesterday that I was inattentive to a number of movies that should have been mentioned in my post on required childhood movies.

I didn't so much neglect to mention such movies as Flash Gordon and Conan the Barbarian... It was more a matter of I really do not think that the youth of today is able to appreciate these films fully until they are a bit older.

The field of cinematography has come light years ahead of where it was 25 to 30 years ago. Not to mention acting. I hate to say it but the acting we appreciated back then didn't contain an iota of the subtlety and ease we see today. I think that this is, in part, because we can see things better now. Subtle facial expressions are able to be seen by the cameras and transmitted to us on our massive, trillion pixel screens at home. Actors are no longer required to be over the top to get their emotions across to a raptly squinting audience.

I imagine that it was a harder transition for them to reign themselves in than it has been for us to watch the change.

All that being said, however, there are a number of fantasy genre classics that should be watched by anyone with a love for the genre or even an interest in B-films in general.

To begin with, Flash Gordon. Quite possibly one of the WORST films ever created by man and more importantly, probably the worst film ever forced on us by our friends. This is the first film, in my memory, that was so very very bad that is was a wonder and joy to watch.



I have no idea whether the song was written to go with the movie or if the movie was entirely designed as a vehicle for the song... But I think "Flash" was the absolute best thing to have come out of this film.

And let us not forget about the awe we all felt at the sight of California's Governator swinging that broad sword before him as Conan. The Barbarian in 1982 and then again as the Destroyer in 1984 (the same year as Terminator was first released to us) was a hero to legions of stick wielding young boys. I should warn you though. Whatever you do, don't try too hard to understand the words. Arnold had spent far less time learning English than he had building muscles so the words are all but unintelligible. Not that it really matters. Who needs words getting in the way of a great hack-n-slash? That would be like trying to roleplay a character in 4th edition D&D!

The good news though, is that through Conan we met one of the first true heroines! That's right, Red Sonja was the third installment of this... well... lets call it a trilogy I suppose. (I am not sure if it was meant to be a trilogy but it would seem to have become one, regardless.) This film was the precursor to Buffy, River Tam... Hell! Even She-Ra, coming out later that same year, (1985 for those keeping score) owed something to the warrior goddess brought to us by Brigitte Nielsen.

Hey... I wonder who would win if she ever got into a fight with Zena: Warrior Princess!



Brigitte is still working by the way. There is a film called Big Money Rustlas in post-production and supposedly scheduled for release in 2010. Ron Jeremy is in it too so... Who the hell knows what this one will turn out to be.

Moving right along now...

Krull. 1983 had to take a stab at fantasy and this is what came of it. I have to be honest. I do not own this movie. While a small part of me is sorry to have to admit that fact a larger part thanks me every time I think about it. Krull was not a great movie. But it was a fantasy B-film that everyone ought to see at some point.

And just for the record... The only reason I don't own it is that I would actually watch it. I have no idea if this ever came out on DvD but if it did and I were to own it, there would be a time at least once a year when it caught my eye and I would have to sit down in front of it. About halfway through the left side of my brain would try to kill the right side of my brain and I am not sure how many more of those particular battles I can survive.

And finally, the trilogy to end all trilogies... Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness!



Can't you feel your brain melting, just a little bit?

Everyone in the world needs to see these movies at least once. Bruce Campbell (he is the one with the chin, remember?) is our time traveling hero and his boom-stick is the answer to everything in this life. If you haven't seen them, do so. If you have seen them, don't you think that it is time to see them again? Sally forth! and acquire them any way you can!

Now, keep in mind that I am, in no way, saying that this is the be-all end-all of movie lists for anyone. I have left a million or so titles unlisted and I recognize that my taste and that of others do not always line up.

All I am saying is that time changes things. These are films that I thought were absolutely wonderful growing up and that, with hindsight, I can't imagine feeling the same way about today. I think that today's kids are not going to be quite as able to appreciate these movies as we were. I certainly think that they should be seen but probably not until the kids are older or have developed the proper appreciations.

[Chieftan] Conan! What is best in life?

[Conan] To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

-Conan the Barbarian-

Movies people should know...

It has become painfully obvious to me that the television and movie viewing habits of those more than around five years my junior are sorely lacking.

I blame the parents.

To begin with, I had a girl who, in her twenties (no lie) turned to me with a look of blank puzzlement on her face and asked, "What is Labyrinth?" It was absolutely all I could do to keep myself from bitch slapping her into next week. What is Labyrinth... Are you fucking kidding me?



First of all, you ought to at lease know the word and by the look of puzzlement on your face it appears that every vocabulary teacher you ever had needs to be fired or retrained or maybe shot. Secondly, HOLY SHIT! David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly and, most importantly, JIM HENSON! I mean... Muppet Show? Heard of it? How about Sesame Street. Thats the show with Oscar the Grouch and Big Bird... What?... Yes, Elmo too... Fucking Elmo. Remember when he was just in the background and occasionally annoying?

"I will regret this," I think to myself as I fearlessly plunge onward. "Tell me that you at LEAST know The Dark Crystal."




The look on her face makes a few of my own brain cells commit suicide. I'm not even able to hear the puzzled response, thank god, due to my ears shutting themselves down in self preservation.

By now, of course, there are several others who have joined in on the conversation.

My aching heart begs me to turn to some slightly more main stream titles. Ok, perhaps not exactly main stream, but movies that more or less anyone who breathes should be aware of.

Legend is put forth and greeted with something along the lines of, "That's the one with Will Smith, right?"



This is around when I start to cry. I point out that it has Tom Cruise, Tim Curry ("Who?) and that chick from Ferris Bueller. (Mia Sara for those keeping track. Legend was the only role she played priar to Sloane.) And still the look of stunned disbelief I receive pains me.

"Princess Bride!" I say, truly believing that every person alive needs to have, at the very least, a passing familiarity with the movie. Personally, I think I know just about every line from every character in the film.



Finally I get a hit! At least this one is still known by some of the younger folks. Not known well, mind you, but the awareness of it still floats around somewhere in the back of the collective consiousness. They seem to have no idea who Andre the Giant was outside of the confines or Fezzic and, it pains me greatly to say, are at a complete loss when I mention Mandy Patinkin. But I will accept the win in as much as at least the movie is still known.

Which is more than I can say for such other greats as The Never Ending Story. (The book is rubbish by the way. Keep away from it if you value your love of the film.)



The animated classic, The Last Unicorn. (I mean come on... What child, full of wide eyed wonder, doesn't want to see the magical majesty of animated unicorns?!)



Even movies such as the classically adapted The Three Musketeers barely register with people under around the age of 22!



I mean, that is some of the best written witty humor ever! I like to think that it was writing like this that gave birth to films like The Pirates of the Caribbean! And who doesn't need to know that a chase is properly refreshed by serving a Cabernet and not champagne?!

Revisited classics aren't exempt either! Hook, the re-visitation of Peter Pan, starring the truly genius Robin Williams is rapidly fading from memory!



Now, I don't mean to disparage the newer tales and movies. The majestically forged Lord of the Rings trilogy brought forth a new epoch in fantasy films. Harry Potter disappointed me in the theaters but, hell! It created a complete generation of new readers! The Twilight series doesn't really do much of anything for me but it has done wonders for book sales around the world and has helped maintain the literacy of children across the globe!

What I am saying is this:

Show your kids the new generation of fantasy and fancy films! By all means, watch them yourself! But for the sake of all that is good in film, PLEASE go back and share the stories that began it all! These films are far too wonderful to be lost in antiquity.

You will be glad you did. More importantly, (to me anyway) I will be glad you did. And I won't feel quite so powerful an urge to belt you one when you have no reference to what I am discussing with you. And that is something you will be as thankful for as I am.

Once long ago, before there was such a thing as time, the world was shrouded in darkness.

Then came the splendor of light, bringing life and love into the Universe, and the Lord of Darkness retreated deep into the shadows of the earth, plotting his return to power... Banishing light forever.

But precious light is protected, harbored in the souls of Unicorns, the most mystical of all creatures.

Unicorns are safe from the Lord of Darkness, they can only be found by the purest of mortals... Such a mortal is Jack, who lives in solitude with the animals of the forest.

A beautiful girl named Lily loves Jack with all her heart. In their innocence, they believe only goodness exists in the world.

Together they will learn there can be no good without evil... No love without hate... No heaven without hell... No light without darkness.

The harmony of the Universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of Legends.

-Legend-

It is a beautiful night...

I just got home from my weekly gaming night and it is an absolutely beautiful evening. It is around 71 degrees (I know because I checked on my way home) and windy as hell. There is a lightning storm happening that is stunning to behold. It would be nice if it would actually rain but I am not complaining.

Anyway...

So I got home and decided to meditate outside for a bit and then blog.

Thats about as far as I have gotten. I haven't got much profound to say to anyone right now but I am trying to keep myself from letting this blogging thing fall to the wayside.

Blog complete.

If anyone hasn't seen it yet, check out the video for "Do You Want to Date My Avatar"... Worth a looksee.