I got an email the other day from my little sister. This fact, in and of itself, was both surprising and pleasing but when I read the message she had sent I had to stop for a few minutes to think of a way to respond.
My sister is 13 years old now and is a freshman in high school. (Yikes! That is scarier than I care to admit.) I was 17 when she was born so, while we may have lived under the same roof for a few years, we were never exactly close as siblings. By the time she was old enough to be self aware I had already stared striking out to begin my own life. In fact, over the last few years, I have seen her only when I have been able to fly back home for my (rather infrequent) visits.
Not withstanding our lack of closeness, I have always held at least a modicum of sway over her tastes and preferences. I mean, I introduced her to Rocky Horror Picture Show when she was around three and she keeps viewing it regularly this day. (Note to self: Check with sister to learn current number of viewings to date.)
I also helped formulate her musical tastes by introducing her to music I myself enjoy. Perhaps it isn't surprising that she sent me a message asking me for feedback and ideas pertaining to new music that she should listen to and enjoy. What was surprising was the reason...
Apparently, my sister is striving to become an individual. She wants to set herself apart from her peers by having her own tastes and such.
I can get behind that to a point so I sent her some ideas. I recommended listening to several different musical genres that are less mainstream than she would generally hear on the radio. In particular, I mentioned show-tunes (a long time favorite of mine), along with classical and opera as being something new for her to check. I also recommended that she listen to some oldies just because, well, they are awesome and I think everyone ought to be able to find some kind of oldies to enjoy. Hell... If it has withstood the years and is still something people want to hear then there almost has to be something in it worth listening to!
Anyway, all that being said I think that there is something more important to keep in mind. Being an individual means more than just liking things that other people don't like or are unexposed to. Being an individual does encompass that but it is also having the courage and strength of character to hold to your own personal preferences. That includes the times when everyone else likes it too.
Just because everyone likes something does not devalue it as a thing to like. Distinguishing yourself as an individual by disregarding that in which others see merit is both ignorant and stunting. (I considered making a goth or indie dig here... Something regarding the uniform of non-conformity or some-such nonsense... But then I realized it would open a whole other can of worms that I just don't have the attention span to tackle right now.)
Not that you have to like things because everyone does. That is just ignorance in the opposite (and more frequent) direction. All I am saying is that, before disregarding something based on the preference of others, a person owes it to themselves to give it their attention and thought in an effort to decide for themselves whether or not they can see it's merit.
I suppose that what it comes down to is that individualism is something that is based solely on self. If you really truly wish to be an individual then you have to be honest, introspective and strong.
In other words...
You have to like what you like without regard to the opinions of others.
And let's face it here... Ignorance is no bar to individualism. Not knowing something is not the same as pretending that you either do or do not like something.
Yeah... I think I had it right... Honest, introspective and strong (courageous?) enough to hold tight to your own individual truth.
It is nice if you can do all that without trying to ram your opinions down the throats of others too. Doing so doesn't disqualify you from the "I'm an Individual" club... But it does grant you membership to the "I'm an Individual Who Thinks My Opinion is Better than Yours" club. I like to call that one "I Need My Ass Kicked" for short.
And for fucks sake... If you ever hear yourself utter the words, "In my humble opinion," please... Just stop there. If it is humble keep it to yourself. If you think it is worth sharing, well then, it isn't humble. That's fine, really, but don't bloody well lie about it. You aren't fooling anyone, you know.
It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.
-Giordano Bruno-
Showing posts with label Role Model. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Role Model. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
On Dreams and Encouragement...
Every person believes that they are special.
We are reminded over and over again throughout our lives that this is true. Beginning with our parents and grandparents we are told that we can do anything we set our minds to; that we can grow up to be anybody we want.
As we grow, most of us continue to have this reaffirmed to us by teachers, counselors, friends, family and anyone else we meet. Even a complete stranger, when faced with a child looking up at them with their big round eyes, will lend their voice to the masses and tell the child that they are certain to succeed as long as they put their mind to it.
There are, however, some exceptions that deserve to be noted here.
I have known people who grew up in situations that can only be called abusive. In situations like these the child is reminded repeatedly that they are not good enough, will never be good enough and will never succeed. In some more extreme cases, I have even seen people tell their children that they were, not only a mistake, but that the child ruined the life of the parent and that the parent wished the child were never born. (If you ever hear someone say something like this, I expect you to hit them immediately.)
Ain't that some shit.
Now here is where I think that part of the problem begins...
Quite often a person grows up to either emulate their parent(s) or to revile them. In other words, most people either grow to repeat the mistakes that their parents made or to make completely new mistakes by choosing a different course.
I heartily approve of encouraging a child to dream and to reach for the stars. What people need to stop doing is allowing those children to grow up believing that they can achieve anything without educating the child on what they will need to do in order to accomplish their goal.
Too often, it seems, people are growing up and becoming disillusioned with the world around them because they were ill prepared for the challenges of the real world. These are people who were never taught about the work and effort they would have to put forth to succeed. They have gotten to where they are by expecting the world to hand them their dreams simply because they want them to come true!
I think people need to have conversations with their children. By no means should we just shrug off what they say as the fanciful imaginings of youth. If little Sally tells you that she wants to become an Astronaut, find out why. Try to learn what it is that attracts her to the field and, more importantly, what needs to happen for her to get there. Tell Sally about all the hard work she is going to need to do. Most of all, find out what you, as a parent, need to do to help see the dream come true.
When your son, Timmy, approaches you after the school play and tells you he wants to grow up to be an actor the correct answer is not, "Well you did great! You are already the best actor I have ever seen!" nor is "Well, I don't know..." the right thing to say. Instead, try something more honest like, "That's great Tim. You did really well on stage today and I am sure that, with a lot of hard work and the proper training, you could grow up to be brilliant!"
What I mean to say is, don't just tell your kids that they can succeed if they puts their minds to it and, please, don't discourage them. For that matter, if I ever again see a parent laugh maliciously at the dreams of their children, I think that I may just haul off and punch them in the head. (I will then explain to the child that it was what their parent had always wanted and that I was helping to make dreams come true.)
Children need to be appropriately prepared and encouraged. They need to be supported in reaching for their dreams and bolstered by the knowledge of its achievability and how to make the achievement happen.
As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right.
-Jack Canfield-
We are reminded over and over again throughout our lives that this is true. Beginning with our parents and grandparents we are told that we can do anything we set our minds to; that we can grow up to be anybody we want.
As we grow, most of us continue to have this reaffirmed to us by teachers, counselors, friends, family and anyone else we meet. Even a complete stranger, when faced with a child looking up at them with their big round eyes, will lend their voice to the masses and tell the child that they are certain to succeed as long as they put their mind to it.
There are, however, some exceptions that deserve to be noted here.
I have known people who grew up in situations that can only be called abusive. In situations like these the child is reminded repeatedly that they are not good enough, will never be good enough and will never succeed. In some more extreme cases, I have even seen people tell their children that they were, not only a mistake, but that the child ruined the life of the parent and that the parent wished the child were never born. (If you ever hear someone say something like this, I expect you to hit them immediately.)
Ain't that some shit.
Now here is where I think that part of the problem begins...
Quite often a person grows up to either emulate their parent(s) or to revile them. In other words, most people either grow to repeat the mistakes that their parents made or to make completely new mistakes by choosing a different course.
I heartily approve of encouraging a child to dream and to reach for the stars. What people need to stop doing is allowing those children to grow up believing that they can achieve anything without educating the child on what they will need to do in order to accomplish their goal.
Too often, it seems, people are growing up and becoming disillusioned with the world around them because they were ill prepared for the challenges of the real world. These are people who were never taught about the work and effort they would have to put forth to succeed. They have gotten to where they are by expecting the world to hand them their dreams simply because they want them to come true!
I think people need to have conversations with their children. By no means should we just shrug off what they say as the fanciful imaginings of youth. If little Sally tells you that she wants to become an Astronaut, find out why. Try to learn what it is that attracts her to the field and, more importantly, what needs to happen for her to get there. Tell Sally about all the hard work she is going to need to do. Most of all, find out what you, as a parent, need to do to help see the dream come true.
When your son, Timmy, approaches you after the school play and tells you he wants to grow up to be an actor the correct answer is not, "Well you did great! You are already the best actor I have ever seen!" nor is "Well, I don't know..." the right thing to say. Instead, try something more honest like, "That's great Tim. You did really well on stage today and I am sure that, with a lot of hard work and the proper training, you could grow up to be brilliant!"
What I mean to say is, don't just tell your kids that they can succeed if they puts their minds to it and, please, don't discourage them. For that matter, if I ever again see a parent laugh maliciously at the dreams of their children, I think that I may just haul off and punch them in the head. (I will then explain to the child that it was what their parent had always wanted and that I was helping to make dreams come true.)
Children need to be appropriately prepared and encouraged. They need to be supported in reaching for their dreams and bolstered by the knowledge of its achievability and how to make the achievement happen.
As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right.
-Jack Canfield-
Monday, August 17, 2009
The importance of having a role model...
So... For no particular reason, it occurred to me today that when people grow up they tend to base themselves off of a role-model.
And then I followed that thought through to "Well then, who was my role model?"... Sadly enough it turns out that I dont think that I ever really had one.
I know most people tend to look up to their parents. Boys will grow up to be like their fathers and marry girls like their mothers... Girls will look for boys who can compare to daddy and copy all of moms recipes...
As it turns out that isn't at all what happened with me.
I mean, I do tend to call my mother on occasion for a recipe but in no way do I want a girl like mom... As for my father... Well, I found more instances of "Gods, I hope I can keep myself from ever becoming like that!" than anything else.
So who have I looked up to all my life?...
No one in particular.
I have met many people I admired though and I have tried to emulate the characteristics I found admirable in each of them. Not always with the success I hoped for but the effort and intent was there.
And so I am a hodgepodge of characteristics i found in other people. I took this from this friend or that from the other... Sometimes even just little things from that guy I met the other night who really seemed to have his shit in order in regards to some particular thing...
I think now that I am lacking in some ways because of this.
I was taught manners as a child but never etiquette.
I know everything about performing or working on stage... But I never have really learned to dance.
I know how to think and Im pretty bloody good at it but I have never had anyone there as a constant for long enough to have learned which things to think about.
I am a damned fine friend to those I hold dear and learning how to do that was a long and tiresome process filled with pitfalls and some rather large mistakes.
Frankly, Im pretty good at a lot of things... Outstanding at some and passable at others but, all in all, I can do pretty much what needs to be done.
I think part of where I have made mistakes is that... Not only are certain things in my personal education lacking... But some of the things I have seen in others and thought "I definitely do NOT want that to be me" have never grown into anything but that... There are things that I know beyond doubt that I do not want to be but that doesn't mean that I want to be the opposite. There are just some things I have never found the right answer to.
And that's why people should probably have a role model or two... Someone or someones to look at as a complete individual rather than just collecting parts of a whole.
So, I suppose what it comes down to is that I spent the day sitting in the back of my mind and examining my flaws.
I am not saying that I do not like who I am ... Only that I have realized that there are still parts of me waiting to be created.
Maybe it is time for me to get on that.
You know... Now that I know.
-me-
In closing... A quote that I have been fixated on for the past little bit...
"Where do I belong?
Where do I fit?
Who are my people?
Where do my loyalties lie?
We all choose our tribe.
Its that need to belong... To live within boundaries... Because its scary on the outside... On the fringes.
Some labels are forced on us.
They mark us... Set us apart until we are like ghosts... Just... drifting through other peoples lives.
But only if we let the labels hold.
You can piss your whole life away trying out who you might be.
It's when you've worked out who you ARE... That you can really start to live."
-From Being Human
And then I followed that thought through to "Well then, who was my role model?"... Sadly enough it turns out that I dont think that I ever really had one.
I know most people tend to look up to their parents. Boys will grow up to be like their fathers and marry girls like their mothers... Girls will look for boys who can compare to daddy and copy all of moms recipes...
As it turns out that isn't at all what happened with me.
I mean, I do tend to call my mother on occasion for a recipe but in no way do I want a girl like mom... As for my father... Well, I found more instances of "Gods, I hope I can keep myself from ever becoming like that!" than anything else.
So who have I looked up to all my life?...
No one in particular.
I have met many people I admired though and I have tried to emulate the characteristics I found admirable in each of them. Not always with the success I hoped for but the effort and intent was there.
And so I am a hodgepodge of characteristics i found in other people. I took this from this friend or that from the other... Sometimes even just little things from that guy I met the other night who really seemed to have his shit in order in regards to some particular thing...
I think now that I am lacking in some ways because of this.
I was taught manners as a child but never etiquette.
I know everything about performing or working on stage... But I never have really learned to dance.
I know how to think and Im pretty bloody good at it but I have never had anyone there as a constant for long enough to have learned which things to think about.
I am a damned fine friend to those I hold dear and learning how to do that was a long and tiresome process filled with pitfalls and some rather large mistakes.
Frankly, Im pretty good at a lot of things... Outstanding at some and passable at others but, all in all, I can do pretty much what needs to be done.
I think part of where I have made mistakes is that... Not only are certain things in my personal education lacking... But some of the things I have seen in others and thought "I definitely do NOT want that to be me" have never grown into anything but that... There are things that I know beyond doubt that I do not want to be but that doesn't mean that I want to be the opposite. There are just some things I have never found the right answer to.
And that's why people should probably have a role model or two... Someone or someones to look at as a complete individual rather than just collecting parts of a whole.
So, I suppose what it comes down to is that I spent the day sitting in the back of my mind and examining my flaws.
I am not saying that I do not like who I am ... Only that I have realized that there are still parts of me waiting to be created.
Maybe it is time for me to get on that.
You know... Now that I know.
-me-
In closing... A quote that I have been fixated on for the past little bit...
"Where do I belong?
Where do I fit?
Who are my people?
Where do my loyalties lie?
We all choose our tribe.
Its that need to belong... To live within boundaries... Because its scary on the outside... On the fringes.
Some labels are forced on us.
They mark us... Set us apart until we are like ghosts... Just... drifting through other peoples lives.
But only if we let the labels hold.
You can piss your whole life away trying out who you might be.
It's when you've worked out who you ARE... That you can really start to live."
-From Being Human
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
