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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Dumbest Thing EVAR...

So I was leaving work today after a fairly rough day when I happened to glance to my left and beheld the dumbest thing I have seen in my life.

I work at Starbucks and we are located in a rather "meh" plaza. We are actually fairly busy but we are one of the few who are and there seem to be more and more empty shops each week.

Well, as I mentioned I glanced to my left as I was leaving work and there was a white piece of paper stuck to a door.

Being a naturally inquisitive person, I allowed my truck to drift closer to read the paper.

What it said was something along the lines of:

"Attention Locksmith.
Do not unlock this door for anyone unless in the presence of the property manager."

Now, as I understand these things, this is what is commonly known as a lock-out notice. They are generally posted on the inside of a door when the locks are changed after the business has failed to pay its rent. Basically, it is an eviction notice for a business entity.

Well, this isn't the first time I have seen one of these notices recently and it will probably not be the last. The reason this one was so damned funny was that it was posted on the door to a LOCKSMITH SHOP!!!

I found myself imagining all kinds of wonderful scenarios here. I mean, first of all... Changing the lock is certainly not going to do much to slow down a person who changes locks for a living.

But then I wonder how they went about it... I imagine the phone call, "Hello, Locksmith? Where are your offices located?... Oh, I see... Well I am afraid I will have to find someone else. have a good day!"

Or even better... The wonderfully brilliant young lady who goes into the office itself "I have a commission for you. I need a tenant locked out of the building. ::leads the locksmith outside and turns around smiling brightly:: Here it is! If you would just change the locks please?"

I mean when push comes to shove... When you have to "lock-out" a locksmith, you may as well just post a sign saying "Look, Bob... We know we can't really do much to stop you from using your shop but we would all really appreciate it if maybe you could send in a check every now and then and at least make it appear that we have some say in this.... Thank you for your consideration"

Anyway, this is probably not nearly as funny as I think it is right now. I'm way over tired and need a nap and maybe something to eat. But after the day from hell, this is the very definition of hilarity.

“A zealous locksmith died of late,
And did arrive at heaven gate,
He stood without and would not knock,
Because he meant to pick the lock.”

-William Camden


  1. Something weird is going on here! I left a comment and *zwoosh* nothing!

  2. Damn... Now I not only want to know what went wrong, but I am also now intensely curious as to what the original comment may have been :(

  3. My first comment:

    I am surprised a locksmith would even need a storefront. It seems to me to be something one could do quite handily and creepily out of a van.

    I love stuff like that. I think it's really funny too! So, we know there are at least two of us :)

  4. That tears it! This is the second time I have left a comment and nothing has showed up! A conspiracy is in the mix. Look around yourself suspiciously, as I am!

  5. This amused me greatly. Your mind finds the absurd, and I love that! (reminds me of what my mind does all. the. time.)