Agents of Shield... SPOILERS!...

Fair warning folks, I truly mean it about the spoilers thing.

So here are things as I see them...

Charles Gunn, having somehow survived the LA apocalypse, decided, "screw this shit, I am getting the hell out of this game."

Unbeknownst to him, the PTB (Powers That Be) granted him with some super powers since, as far as I can tell, both Angel and Spike had their asses handed to them by a Dragon.

Anyway, being a city boy at heart, he didn't really move on as far as he might have. More to the point, due to the previously mentioned apocalypse, he knew he would need to to lie low so he picked up the identity of Michael. (It isn't like getting a fake ID is exactly hard. Ask any 16 year old.)

High Powered Lawyer at Evil Incorporated gone turncoat and, so far, only known survivor of the apocalypse. Demon Hunter. Vampire Hunter. It all sounds cool as hell on paper but doesn't make for the best talking points in an interview. Failing to give notice at Worfram and Hart was probably a black mark on his resume too, so having few to no employment prospects (despite what he tells his son) he found work as a common laborer. He was probably happy for a while. Settled down, got married (To Annie was my hope. Sadly, the flash of photograph later on would seem to indicate otherwise.), had a baby and all that... but once he started manifesting super powers, old habits kicked in and he started working all kinds of crazy hours which eventually led to his wife leaving him. Unless she was killed by a vampire like his sister had been. That would be some shit, wouldn't it?

Of course, he probably considered using the Dark Avenger as a tag but that would have been disrespectful to Doyle and I would have had to kick his ass. (I have super powers too but we will get to that another time.)

Moving right along...

Of course, Michael, formerly Gunn, gets spotted saving random chick "A" because all his smarts have faded since leaving the firm and things are about to get real for our old friend.

Enter Agent Coulson. Coulson may or may not have been killed by Loki not too long ago. Right now, there are a ton of theories being thrown about to explain how he made it through that debacle. I have two favorites that I am going to share. 

First, the one originally put forth in the show, that Fury faked his death to draw the Avengers together as a team. Now, this seems reasonable enough and I would be willing to let it go at that were it not for the lines following immediately afterward that seem to indicate that this is complete bullshit but that Coulson cannot be privy to the truth regarding his own demise and subsequent rebirth.

Enter theory number the second.

Coulson is a clone, memories and all. Not only that but, (and this is my own personal twist here,) he is probably not the first either. Remember that hero worship he has for Captain America? Well, remember that kid who was thrown in the water and then told Captain Rogers to go chase the other dude because he knew how to swim? My money is on that having been Coulson as a lad. (The first one.) who later grew up to join Shield and be just like his hero. We know there is something especially fun about Nick Fury, why not his right hand man? But it couldn't be the same thing and so I am going with perfect cloning.

Enough of theories for now...

Speaking of longevity, HOLY SHIT! I KNOW WHAT SHEPARD BOOK DID BEFORE BECOMING A SHEPARD!

That is right boys and girls. Shepard book was around forEVAR! He has seen the forming of the Alliance and the tera-forming of hundreds of new worlds... And all of that is AFTER all of the background we are about to learn watching Agents of Shield!

And let's face it. If he has survived that long it makes perfect sense that the alliance is able and willing to render medical aid on his say so alone. Hell, I would go so far as to say it is likely he will somehow manage to pull through or be revived in the DarkHorse Comics that are coming soon. Probably be best if Captain Mal doesn't find out about that any too soon though.

For that matter, I imagine that somehow Mr Universe's entire rig got it's start with Rising Tide girl who is just plain hot in so very many ways. (I can't help it. Smart/strong chicks are sexy as hell.) It is all about the signal. From here to the eyes and the ears of the 'verse... Seems like the family motto started way back when, doesn't it?

Anyway, it turns out that it wasn't the Powers That Be that gave Michael Turner his fancy schmancy new powers but, instead, some sort of tech that has been grafted to his body.  Turns out he got hurt and his wife bugged out because, well, I honestly don't have enough information to speculate. Suffice it to say that shit took turns for the worse. You would think that with his experience with this sort of thing he would have been ready for when he turned bad but I suppose a run of bad luck can turn anyone a little hard. I blame the monotony of factory work.

Oh! You want to know who else is a badass?

Mulan.

It is pretty evident that she always has and always will kick ass. I was, however, slightly disappointed that she didn't have a chance to break into song. Maybe the show will go on long enough for us to get a musical episode. Or a puppet episode. Oh my gods! Singing puppets! Muppet Show! Fraggle Rock! Holy shit! Can David Bowie do a guest spot?

...

Alright, I have it together. Lets sum matters up here...

There are a few other characters... A couple of braniacs collectively called FitzSimmons (nice play, by the way) and a pretty boy who I hope gets interesting later. All in all, it has a good bit of potential so we will have to see what happens.

Oh, and as a parting thought, where the hell is my hover car? It is 2013 already. Why aren't these in mainstream production yet?