That said, I have been wanting to put these thoughts out there for a pretty long time now. There are probably other people who are saying the same thing, but I haven't heard them and maybe I can reach someone else who hasn't heard them. It's going to take a lot of words to get through this, so stick with me. Please. I really think this is important and I genuinely hope you will think it is important too once you hear me out.
Stop. Being. So. Damned. Combative.
Ok, that really didn't take a lot of words, but there is a whole lot more to the thought than just that. Here's how I see it.
The world today, and for the past couple/few years, is an absolute bloody madhouse. (probably a lot longer, really, but this feels different to me.) Everyone is pissed at everyone else. Everybody is shouting and none of it is actually making a damned bit of difference. We are surrounded by hateful rhetoric FROM BOTH SIDES.
Lest anyone think I am casting stones, I am definitely as guilty as anyone and probably more so than many. I have been angry. I've ranted and railed against things being as they are. I've tossed insults at people I don't know and judged those I do.
I know exactly how bloody HARD it is to pull on the reins. To take a step back. To own that I am part of the problem.
It is tremendously important, however, that I do. It's important that you do, too, regardless of what side of things you are one.
I understand the allure of venting all your anger. I love that warm feeling inside when you give release to your passion; your pent up anger and frustration. I yearn for that embrace of others when they shout out in agreement with my words. I even tremble with anticipation at the thought of someone coming back at me, ready for a fight. Hell, I am SPOILING for a fight. I'm revved up. I am ready to take that punch and come back with a dozen of my own!
Problem is, we've already stopped listening to one another. We haven't even started yet and we are passing judgement; deciding there is no way we are going to find a common ground.
Where the hell is that getting us? Nowhere good, that's for damned sure.
In fact, lets just be honest here, it's likely to perpetuate this divide that is already present and ever widening. Pit brother against brother and all that jazz. Each of us growing continuously more self-righteous and, correspondingly, less willing to listen to the words being shouted at us by the other jackass.
I am pretty sure that if you step back and consider it honestly, you will find that this is exactly what you've been doing. I know I most certainly have. Our points of view are dissimilar enough that we fail to understand one another. We even tell ourselves that we CAN'T understand one another; that the difference is just too much. Too ingrained. (Betcha half a dollar we're wrong on that score.)
From this dubious starting point, we usually devolve to name calling and accusations. "That's the problem with all you damned liberals..." is hurled from one side only to be met by, "Those ignorant-ass conservatives and Trumptards..." We drum up charges and accusations without regard to anything other than, "I'm right and you're wrong." We scream labels at one another like Republican, Democrat, Catholic, Jew, black, white, conservative, liberal... The list goes on and on. Every-hurtful-thing we can think of winds up being flung at one another in an actual attempt to wound.
As if inflicting wounds is a way to win someone to our side...
Let's be honest for a moment. One or the other of the examples I just used probably triggers you. If not one of those, certainly something else someone from the other side says. It isn't helpful and, frankly, it isn't healthy. It is sure as hell no way to have a productive conversation, never-mind attempting to run a government.
We can do better.
We MUST do better.
Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
So how? How can we do better? What steps must we, as individuals and as a collective, take to do better?
I don't have all the answers, but I think I can see the beginning.
- We need to stop name calling. Name calling invariably riles a base of like minded people and puts everyone else off or, worse, hardens the hearts and minds of the opposition.
- We need to listen. ACTUALLY listen. Don't just sit there and fume and think about the next thing you want to say. Listen to what the person you are talking to is saying. Ask questions. You don't have to agree with them, but you do need to hear them out and try to understand their point of view.
- Stop telling ourselves all these stories about how the other guy is bad. People are not, as a rule, bad. People have a different frame of reference and have different motivations, but not generally bad ones. Someone having a wider or narrower view of the world is generally based on their circumstances.
- Stop assuming. You do not know where he came from. You don't know what she's been through. In a lot of cases, you probably can't even imagine. We all have our demons and we all have our blind spots.
- Stop trying to win. Try to just understand. If we can start trying to understand, ON BOTH SIDES, maybe we can start to actually communicate again. Maybe we can have a conversation.
- Cut the self-righteous bullshit. I know some of us are prone to spouting off, whether it be aloud or in our own heads. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that there are people reading this now thinking, "I don't want to understand those muckity-mucks on the other side. I ain't gonna. Nope. No way, no how." Hell, I am prone to going there first myself. Of course I think my views are right. If I didn't, they wouldn't be my views. But I am not such a self-righteous asshole as to choose to remain ignorant of the other side of the conversation. Not once I know that is what I am doing. Willful ignorance is just ignorance reinforced by pride. Knock it the fuck off.
I mean, I am nobody, but I am pretty certain that's where we need to start. Of course it is not going to be easy. Very few things that are worthwhile ever are. It is, however, very simple. Just start. With yourself. With your friends. Stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution. Every damned one of us is capable of doing better once we know we can.
We can.
We must.
I will.
Will you help me?
